if you struggle with trying to separate them because it's hard to tell when you value something because you do, and when you seem to value something because other people have told you to, then i think that's a common problem, especially when we're trying to figure out who we are.
i do think that gets easier as you get older. for example at a certain age i just decided that i would never be pure, and that i do care about things i have been told to care about (superficial example -- i still recycle, even knowing that it makes no difference). then it can be good to have friends who laugh at me. :D (also, even though these things may be remnants of a morality, they can also be symbolically meaningful to me for other reasons...) anyway, yea, a complicated thing--which is also why so many people are moralist without recognizing it.