dot, you're right to emphasize that communication isn't a solution in and of itself, I often feel like a lot of time is spent, both in mainstream politics and in anarchist discourse glossing over the fact that we are humans and we sometimes have irreconcilable differences and conflicts (and far more often have conflicts that take more than just talking to resolve). Asking someone to take out the trash isn't the end of the problem solving process, it's the beginning.
Your point about culture is one that I'm intimately acquainted with - I live in a reserved culture that makes extensive use of subtle euphemisms, innuendo, implication and inference in verbal communication. It's a culture where many (not all, but many) people will expect you to know what do to, and expect you to do it, and if you don't they'll stew in their own frustration and resentment getting endlessly more bitter, but they won't confront you because confrontation is a bit of a social taboo. I've seen this happen in all kinds of social groups (families, religious groups, housemates etc etc), among all social classes, throughout my life; it can get really ugly, and it's just unnecessary. There comes a point in some cases where 'culture' is just a spook, when it stops you from taking concrete steps towards getting what you want for fear of violating a social taboo.
Bit of a tangent there I guess. Anyway, the main point I wanted to make with my answer is that shaming and guilting people is fucking stupid if you don't want to inflict pain on them, it sours relationships, often permanently, and to use it as a tool on people for something so trivial as getting them to take out the trash as Peter Gelderlooz suggested in the example that rick mentioned in the question details just seems utterly insane and completely detached from real life, and from imagining people as people that it shocked me.
I guess a more challenging example would be should shame and guilt be used in the aftermath of, or to prevent things like rape and murder? Is shame and guilt useful for preventing things like rape and murder?
For what it's worth the wording I'd be the least uncomfortable with would be something like 'where should guilt and shame come into play in cases of serious harm to someone's person, such as rape and murder, if at all?'
idk, I'm rambling now.