it has been asked, "how did you become an anarchist?", and that is a story of how one changes, in continuance, how have you changed since becoming an anarchist?
how do people change in general? specifically, what affects change in people it has been suggested: observations, experiences, relations, desires. I would add coercion.
relations is an interesting one, it sounds like, how do people affect change among each other?
my behavior started changing before i had any clear idea of how my perspective fit with anarchic thought. those changes were driven by my desires to escape from the trap of modern human democrapitalism. i became aware of anarchic thinking - at least the post-left, anti-civ ideas that most resonated with me - very shortly after i started changing my life/behavior. at which point behavioral changes and desire for anarchy became a largely indiscernible distinction.
how do people change? that is a $64,000 question. for me, change is/was driven by desires and priorities. i knew what kind of life i did not want, long before i discovered the kind of life i did want. the more i discovered about the life i wanted, the more i saw how well it worked with the anarchistic perspective i was developing.
for me, anarchy is primarily about how i relate with myself and the world around me, including (primarily) other individuals. i think relationships can be a huge factor in how people change. i know that my long term partner and myself have been very influential in how we have each changed as individuals, both in thought and in behavior. i would say that is due to the depth of our relationship as well as being (at least somewhat) open-minded. trust, respect and a willingness to see where our thoughts/behaviors might not really be serving our desires.
i feel like i am just stating the obvious. maybe this should be a comment rather than an answer.